Dear Mexico
by The Gabby Effect
Summary: What if, Abby wrote a letter that Gibbs was never meant to read? (I love Gabby and angst, so here I go mixing the two again.)


**A/N:  
**_I'm finally back to posting.  
So, without any more delay here is the  
first chapter of a 3 Chapter Story. _

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**Dear Mexico**

Life is all about growing up and learning what you can and can't live without. Today, was all of that rolled up into one for the gunny who stood in Abby's apartment.

He stood in the quiet apartment with a box filled with random objects that she had tossed into. Taking one last look around her apartment, he smiled, remembering every moment he had shared with her here that he knew he would never forget. It was no surprise that today she was moving in with the person who had changed her life completely and unexpectedly. The man she was moving in with is no computer geek or a U.S. Marine, but a Police Sergeant that she met months ago.

Gibbs looked down at the box he held in his arms, took a deep breath, and turned his attention to the couple at the doorway. He watched as she kissed him and headed down the stairs alone, leaving Burt smiling as he entered the apartment to join Gibbs.

"She's happy." Burt said as he took the box from Gibbs.

"Yeah, she is." Gibbs replied.

"Thanks, Jethro for-"

"Don't mention it." The gunny replied.

Burt nodded and reached out and firmly shook Gibbs hand.

"I have to honest Gibbs, I thought you wouldn't like Abby moving in with me so soon." The officer smiled.

Gibbs shook his head. "She's a big girl. She doesn't need anyone's approval."

"Right, but I do need your opinion." Burt said as he pulled out small box from is coat pocket and tossed it to the gunny.

Catching the box, Gibbs looked at it and back to the officer.

"Gibbs, you know her better than anyone and she cares a lot about you so, I was hoping if you could tell me if she'll like that." Burt smiled.

Without another word, Gibbs open the box to find a remarkable piece of jewelry that would make any woman say yes. Holding his breath he kept looking at that ring and the diamond that he knew Abby was worthy of but the sparkling within the gem wasn't what rendered him speechless. His inability to say a single word was not because of that ring, but what it signified. Abby would no longer be his, she would never…

That's when he stop his mind or was it his heart? Whatever it was that was thinking those crazy thoughts, he suppress them as he cleared his throat.

"She'll love it." Gibbs replied quietly.

Taking the ring, Burt gave a nervous chuckle. "You don't sound so sure."

Gibbs laughed and shook his head. "No, she'll love it." He assure him.

"You think she'll say yes?" Burt asked.

"Why wouldn't she?" Gibbs replied with a smile.

Burt smiled and nodded as he put away the ring and headed for the door.

"You're waiting for DiNozzo right?" Burt asked as he reached the door.

"Yeah, we'll lock up." Gibbs said as he stood in the middle of the living room while the man at the door smiled back as he took not only the box full of items but also the girl that meant the world to the gunny.

The door shut and the smile that Gibbs had forced for the sake of the officer quickly faded away.

His thoughts went to the day he met her, that moment when he felt complete again because in this moment he was empty. Flashbacks of sleepless nights that they shared together, nights when they kept each other company over a bottle of bourbon and moments when they wore their hearts on their sleeves but played dumb, never risking their friendship on something as stupid as love.

Taking a deep breath, he looked at the hardwood floors and tried to push the crazy idea of love out of his racing mind. He did love her but never like that. He loved her like a friend would, like a brother would and maybe as a father would but never did he love her, like that. He didn't love her as if someone had created her just for him and he sure as hell didn't love her like it was the only thing that gave him purpose. He told himself all of that and more as he drowned in this lonely pool of denial.

With another deep breath drawn into his lungs he ran a hand through his hair and cleared his throat to remove the lump that he told himself had nothing to do with losing the girl with the most beautiful green eyes he had ever seen.

Exhaling he tried to let go of these emotions that he kept telling himself over and over again that he no business of having. Women came and they went, women that he was attracted to, women who loved him in a way she never would. Shaking his head, he couldn't believe what he was thinking again. She was Abby and he was Gibbs, yes, they loved each other but never like that. Not the way real lovers did. She was young, wild and free and he was none of that. He was simply her protector, the one who would risk his life for her even as a bomb ticked down to zero. He was the one who would take a man by the throat because his actions had nearly taken her away from him, he was the jealous guy that head-slapped young men out of the daze she would leave them in as she wore that Halloween costume which even left his mind and heart racing. He was the one who would abandon everything and sit down next to her on the elevator floor just to assure her that no matter what, he would be there. Was this love? Of course it was, but it's no secret that the gunny in the room is as stubborn as the girl who use to live here and so, his conclusion would be that he did love her, he always would but never like that.

Letting go of those thoughts he looked around the apartment to make sure everything was taken and with one final sweep of her bedroom, he swore that he would forget ever thinking those crazy thoughts again. Peeking into her empty bedroom, he scanned it and found nothing, but as he was preparing to shut the door something in the closet caught his eye. Slowly he walked over to it and looked down at the floor to an envelope that looked worn and tattered. Picking it up he smiled at the handwriting, he would know it anywhere. It wasn't calligraphy but to him it was beautiful.

He would have just stuffed the envelope into this hoodie pocket and returned it to the owner without reading it but the name scribbled upon it made him curious.

L.J. Gibbs, was crossed out and instead the words "Dear Mexico" were written underneath his name.

Flipping the envelope over he noticed it wasn't sealed and at that moment he wished that it was because now the urge to see what was inside got stronger. Walking over to the window, he looked out to make sure that she was gone and far away. The parking lot was empty, even his truck was gone because she and Burt were using it to move the remainder of her belongings to their place. As he looked at the vacant lot, he wondered if that was his life now. Just an empty space where she use to be, but that small tug at his lips told him otherwise. She would always be in his heart, regardless if she wasn't his.

Looking back down at the envelope he opened it and pulled out a letter as he assured himself that he wasn't breaking any law reading it. On the envelope was his name after all, even though it was scribbled over.

Taking a breath he began to read.

_Gibbs_, was written but then crossed out and replace by those words once again, "_Dear Mexico_".

He recognized the date, it was a few days after he had left Washington for Mexico nearly nine years ago. With another shaky breath he began to read.

_Dear Mexico,_

_I know I'm stupid for writing this especially to you, I mean you're a country!_

Gibbs smiled at the very Abby like statement.

_Okay, here it goes. I'm sitting on my couch listening to heavy metal because I figure I'd just let my music be angry for me. I still feel hungover from last night. Yeah, I drank that much. Anyway, I'm writing this because it was either finally saying all of this or get drunk again. To be honest, I don't want another hangover, but then again at least you can cure a hangover and get over it, right?_

_I wanted to write this to him, but I don't think I would ever send it and even if I did, I doubt he would read it. Lately, I've been thinking about him a lot. It's nothing new but it's different. I think about him when I'm at work, at home but most of all when I'm alone. As you can probably tell, I'm alone again, which means he's on my mind. I swear I'm not crying. Well, at least that is what I am trying to convince myself in believing. I nearly cried when he got hurt in that explosion on the ship. I was so scared when I heard the news that he was being taken to the hospital. Even as I think about that moment, the terror and pain of losing him like that doesn't come close to the way I'm feeling right now. _

_I can't believe that he just left._

_He made leaving look so damn easy even when I stood there with those stupid tears in my eyes. Did he even notice them? Did he even care that my heart was breaking? I doubt it, he's Gibbs the man who hides behind the mask of a marine who feels absolutely nothing. The only feelings he has is not for some crazy girl like me but for random redheads that he won't remember the names of days after they leave him. _

_I wish he had gone into the arms of another woman instead of choosing you. At least if he had chosen a woman I would know that no matter how red her hair is, that she could never love him enough to make him stay with her. I wish it was some damn redhead that had taken him away, why did it have to be you? He's gone and you don't even know how much it hurt me to watch him go. How hard it was for me to hold back from running after him and begging him to stay. That night I went back to my lab I locked the door and just turned the music up because I didn't want McGee or Tony to ask me if I was okay, I wasn't. I'm still not okay. I can't believe I'm still wiping my tears away, even now. I'm pathetic, I know._

_Some say that you don't you know what you have until it's gone, but that's not case for me. I knew what I had and it was the best thing I've ever had. Even though he was never mine. I have never kissed him, like the way should have, though I'll admit that the thought had crossed my mind so many times. I knew what I had but the worst mistake I've ever made was convincing myself that I would always have him. Now, he's gone._

_Last night he called me from somewhere within your boundaries. How did he know the exact time to call? Out of every possible minute why did he call at that very moment, when I was about to leave with some random guy at the bar? I answered my phone as I was walking out the door with that guy and out of everyone's voice, I heard his and what he said still haunts me, even tonight._

_"What are you doing?"_

_I'm sure he meant it as something else but in that moment he stopped me from doing something stupid. It's not like he cares who I sleep with but the way he said sent shivers down my spine. It was almost possessive as if to say 'you only belong to me'. It sounds crazy I know, but out of everyone to call me last night it had to be him. Carol drove me home while I talked with him on the phone about stupid shit that I know he didn't care about, but at least I heard his voice. Oh god that voice. I'm smiling now through my tears because I'm thinking about the first time I met him. I introduced myself as Abigail and ranted about how I hated that name, so I asked him to call me Abby, he didn't. Oh my god we were younger then and he was still beautiful. What was I thinking? He was married when I met him but he didn't wear a ring. I'm a stupid girl for thinking that just because he wasn't wearing one that it gave me permission to have those stupid butterflies in my stomach that day, not to mention that goofy grin. What was I thinking? On the other hand, maybe I wasn't. Anyway, after we were finished talking he leaned in and I swore he would hear my heart pounding as he got closer. I was thinking that he would kiss me, I was waiting for his lips to meet mine. They never did. Instead, I felt the most igniting kiss I have ever been given that wasn't even on my lips._

_"See you around, Abbs."_

_He said to me and I just stood there. I stood there like some love struck idiot and he knew it because he smiled. Oh god that smile. I think most of all I miss that smile because to mostly everyone who knows him, he's so… stoic. I miss that smile because for some reason it seemed brighter around me. Oh great, now I'm starting to sound selfish as if I was the only one he smiled for but a girl can wish, can't she?_

_I always ask people I meet to call me Abby but he didn't, he called Abbs. No one has ever called me that before and I loved it. I wonder if he ever noticed how every time since then when he placed a kiss on my cheek that I would look after him until he walked out of sight. I wonder if he ever noticed me like that? I wonder if he ever looked at me when I wasn't looking. I wonder if I was ever on his mind in the middle of night and thinking about what I was doing or if I was dreaming of him. In all the chaos that is within my mind, there you can find those forbidden girlish thoughts about the guy I could never have. I can't believe that I'm spilling my heart to you in this letter that I would never show anyone else._

_Here's the cold, painful and honest truth from a girl that misses the man she can't live without. He's everything to me, I hope you know that. I hope you know that when he walking on your seashores he's gone from the ocean of my life, that I secretly hoped we would sail together. I hope you know how much I miss him, how much I am trying my hardest not to pick up the phone and call the number that he left me and beg him to come home. I know he would never love me like the way I wish he did. Even if he knew how much he meant to me and how much I actually love him, he would never love me back._

_This is Gibbs I'm talking about, the man who lives by rules and thinks he's emotions are secure behind those pretty blue eyes. He thinks that no one would ever figure him out but here's my little secret… I figured him out a long time ago._

_You don't know that he's even beautiful when he's asleep, do you? Trust me, I know because all those nights that I spent with him, waking up next to him was the best feeling ever and just watching him sleep completed me. On mornings like that I held back the unbelievable urge to kiss him awake. He likes to think that he's always in control, especially with his emotions but I swear to you that I have him all figured out. It's one thing to know who he is and another to love him just the way he is and I do. I love everything about him even the parts that others see as flaws. I guess I am crazy, because who in their right mind would love someone like him. But here's the thing, I'm out of my mind and spilling my heart on these pages that would never send._

_I wish he knew that those nights I called him to come over wasn't because something wasn't working in my apartment but simply because I wanted to be around him. I wish he knew that those nights when I came over to stay with him wasn't because I couldn't sleep, but because I wanted to feel his arms around me. I wish he knew that I loved him. Don't get me wrong, I do love everyone but this feeling that I have been fighting with since I met him isn't like something I've ever felt before._

_How do I know that this true love?  
Because my breaking heart told me so, that night he kissed me goodbye._

_I'm writing this because this is all the things that I cannot say to him. I'll try to move on and forget that I ever wrote this. I will put my heart away because it only knows how to love one person, that one person I could never have. For all I know this could just be the vodka talking but even when I'm sober he's still on my mind and in my heart. I can't believe that during all these years he has never noticed just how much I like him or how he makes me feel. That night he left Tony stopped by and said something to me that I wasn't prepared for._

_He sat with me for a while and didn't say a word as I wiped away the tears that were still falling for the guy who kissed me goodbye. I thought he would never speak but he did, he asked a question that hurt for me to hear._

_"You love him, don't you?"_

_Tony asked me and I just shut my eyes and cried. I didn't need to say anything because that answered his question. I wanted Gibbs to realize that, not Tony. I wanted Gibbs to know that I love him but it had to be Tony who figured it out first. Well, at least I have someone who knows what I'm feeling now right? I don't know if Tony will this secret of mine a secret for long but he's all I got and I doubt he would abandon me anytime soon._

_You know what Mexico?_  
_For now, you can have him but eventually he'll come back, maybe not to me but he'll come home. He won't ever know about the heart I put away or this stupid letter that I am writing but as long as he's here, I will be compete._

_Abbs._

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Slowly, Gibbs lowered the letter and vacantly stared out the window.

Before his mind went on debating with his heart, he was snapped into reality as Tony's voice suddenly filled the room.

"Wow, she took everything didn't she?" Tony said out loud as he entered the bedroom.

Gibbs didn't answer.

Tony approached him and noticed the distant look in the gunny's eyes.

"Are you okay? Looks like you've seen a ghost." Tony smiled but it quickly faded as he scanned empty room. "It's not haunted is it? I mean Abby had some real weird stuff in here. Who knows what-"

"You knew." Gibbs said quietly.

Tony confusingly looked at him. "Knew what?"

Gibbs said nothing as he walked by him and shoved the letter into Tony's hands before he left the room.

_To Be Continued…_

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**~*Hope You Enjoy It So Far.*~**

_"Now, if you excuse I have a video to upload."_  
-The Gabby Effect-


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